Knitcetera - Exhibition at Orewa's Estuary Gallery - You HAVE to go!

A workmate spotted me knitting on my break last Saturday night and suggested I take a look at the exhibition at Estuary Gallery.  I was keen but consequently forgot all about it.  However as I was stopping nearby today I remembered and popped in to have a look - one step in the door and my fingers started itching for knitting needles and all I wanted to do was rush home and get on with my own stuff.  It's absolutely AMAZING in there.  So much work and SO much creativity.

My absolute favourite was an ensemble from Warkworths Sharleen Greer, contestant in the 2010 (I think) WOW arts.  I just LOVED the crazy patchwork effect of the dress in all different pink shades and textures.  And the incorporation of the Barbie dolls was incredible.  I've "stolen" a photo from the Knitcetera blog which is a must to visit if you want to be able to have a look at all the other amazing exhibits (my apologies Jennifer, if you're reading this, but I really wanted to entice my readers over to your blog to have a look).  Unfortunately having taken it from another website it doesn't have the impact that it has seeing it for real Estuary Arts has a better photo here.

Each of those Barbie dolls on the hemline is dressed in their own little knitted/crocheted outfit in a shade of pink.  There are dolls heads throughout the dress and the crown tips are pointed with Barbie arms - sounds like a massacre but it's honestly awesome.

If you are in Orewa and you like to knit or crochet, create costume or just want to be amazed please head down to the Estuary Gallery.  It's an excellent exhibition.

Two For Tuesday

Life has been one hectic day after another so it's no wonder I feel like I haven't acheived anything.  There's the usual work projects one after another and I mean no disrespect to these as they are our bread and butter, however it's nice to finish my own projects and goals.

Today is a two for Tuesday achievement (with a little mention on how I've managed to keep my bathroom clean since it's MAJOR overhaul on Friday - Himself even scrubbed away the black greasemarks he made on the hand basin - it may have been the next day but he did it without prompting of any kind!!!).

I actually finished this one last night - a magnetic alphabet for Zoe:

It's only lowercase at the moment as instructed by her teacher but as I find more self adhesive magnets (and the rest of the ones from the first attempt) I'll add the capital letters which are a better fit with the magnets.  My first attempt wasn't successful. The wrapping paper worked perfectly but after hunting high and low I could not find an alphabet with a simple "a" (in other words not this one) or "g" (again, not this one).  Yesterday I was in The Warehouse and this alphabet hit me in the face.  Perfect - well not quite - there' s no lower case "q" a fact I didn't realise until I got it home and there's now uppercase "G" either *rolls eyes*.  AND the colours match way too well the wrapping paper I chose so do tend to blend in a little too well.  But Zoe thinks they're great so that's what matters.  We actually sat down and played with the for a bit together - something I'm not too good at - I love to create but I fail to spend the time using the creation with them!  I'm working on that.

My second creation today was based on my little shopping trip yesterday.  I have this week (so Monday and Wednesday) off one of my jobs and although I'm supposed to be doing other work I decided that I'd give myself a bit of me time and went out to the shops for crafty supplies - because I don't already have a tonne of these *again rolls eyes*.  In one of the op shops I found this cute little coin purse for 50 cents.  I love little itty bitty purses and grabbed this one right away.  When I got home I decided it would be perfect for an "in-the-car" knitting purse - to hold a bodkin needle and stitch markers.  So I needed some stitchmarkers to go with it.  Couldn't be a more perfect time try out the new wire and beads I got at a $2 type shop in Whangaparaoa (will always go there first for craft bits and pieces - they don't have the range obviously that somewhere like Spotlight does but at the price it's an excellent quick fix place!!).

I'm really looking forward tomorrow.  Another day off, but this time I REALLY need to do some catch up on work!!!  Just as an aside this will be the first time, other than a day trip to the hopsital for a minor operation and the occasional half an hour between work and kindy pick ups, that I've had away from the kids that hasn't involved work itself.  I had to laugh at myself on Monday when I got to Kindy with Logan and realised that I'd completely forgotten he wouldn't be with me and had everything organised in the car for a usual trip out with him.

And I forgot...

...to show you a finished project.  A school cardy for Zoe - she loves it (thank goodness).

She loves school and I'm amazed that she can come home and casually drop all these amazing facts into the conversation - but she cannot remember what I told her five minutes before LOL.

The Aftermath

Well after my rant last night aka 1.30am this morning, I needed to get things sorted.  It's all very well whingeing and screaming but life does go on and things have to get better because I just cannot have them get any worse.

Sunday is supposed to be my day off - not including meals, following up on kids etc.  It's supposed to be a day that I can spend some quality time on myself and on the kids. And so it was only with a mild sense of guilt that I meandered through the day.  I was physically incapable of getting up before 8 except to toast some crumpets for the kids around 6.30 (which I made them finish an hour and a half later when Zoe decided she was still hungry after only eating a fraction of her crumpets - I kindly smothered the cold crumpets left in honey - she ate them).  Then, after making coffee and breafast which I took back to bed, I finished knitting Logans "wocket-sip" and started on one of the twelve mini rockets for his space bunting.  I want to theme his room on space at a later date and thought this would be a cute project that would both use up some stash and be a quick gratification project each time I finished one.

Not really happy with this.  The fins stretched heaps showing the stuffing.  But the ones I'm making for the space bunting are 10 ply on the same sized needles - all the same brand of yarn so they should look really good.

Then I got up, did a few small loads of washing - which amounts to about two large loads (basically the machine won't do more than "small" load on the dial without jamming up all the time).  Got the kids to pick up a few things and then, while watching "Grown Ups" the movie I finished a guillotining and counting marketing job and got it prepped for distribution tomorrow.

And right now I'm organising and cataloguing via Ravelry, my stash of white/undyed/dyeing wool.  I figure that if I can "shop" for the right yarn for a project online rather than rummaging through my mass of wool and messing up the container it will be a lot more helpful for my organisation.  I've even gone so far as to have one entry for "The White Mess" - the single (although there may be matching ones in there), unbanded balls, some of which are partial balls, left in the bottom of the yarn bin.  I figured it would be fun to use them up and calculate how much I actually have.  I've tidied them into a nice paper carry bag inside the bin as well so very tidy now.

It feels good.  I'm 1/5 of the way towards getting the lot done now.  Only coloured wool, acrylic, cottons and novelty yarns left to go.  It feels good to even get a little bit organised.

So what's this got to do with last nights rant?  Nothing really except that if I can get my house into order, get everything flowing well so that any blips can be dealt with without meltdown then it will also help put my thoughts and feelings into perspective and give me the opportunity to figure out what I where I want to go and KNOW that it will be the right choice.

I Give Up

I've been looking back over my posts and found several drafts that never made it - mainly because they ranted severely and, because I'm a perfectionist, I didn't get to editing them before calming down.  Tonight I've decided to give up on the edit and just get this off my chest.

It's 12.30am Sunday,  I've just arrived home from an 8 hours shift stacking shelves at the supermarket and my feet ache.  What greeted me was the usual - mess!  Dishes haven't been stacked let alone washed.  None of the kids toys have been picked up.  It would seem Himself disregarded my new regime to keep on top of the kids mess by getting them to pick it up BEFORE it got out of hand.  It would seem he doesn't give a toss that due to his complete selfishness in that his time out should not be interered with by anything that might be considered work, that I am the one who will suffer.  I'm sorry but I don't get how he can tell me that he beleives I DO work hard and then leave even more work for me to do.

I currently work a total of 9 jobs.

1. Mother - unpaid and unappreciated - even himself thinks it's a doddle - well it would be if you parented like he does - cooks meals, takes Zoe to school twice a week (which I have to remind him about) and leaves everything else up to me.
2. Night fill at the local supermarket.  Minimum wage, two set four hour night shifts although I pretty much average twelve hours a week with all the extra work they give me.
3. Barristers PA.  Two day shifts of four hours each.  My other stable source of income and the one I like the most - equal with #4.
4. Feature Writer for a local magazine - just one article a month but it takes around 8 hours all up, research, interview and writing.  It does pay which is good.
5. Transcriptionist.  This is on a contract basis - when there's work there's work.  It's usually feast or famine though so when I get it my days are completely full.  I've just got a second contract at a lesser rate - a client of my Transcription "Employer" who my "Employer" doesn't really make anything from so she's referred her to me. - I've counted that ast 6.
7. General Help.  In between the PA position and picking up Zoe from school I help out at Logan's Kindy.  It's only around an hour each week, sometimes not even that, and they contra the hours from his fees - every little bit helps.
8. Photocopying.  I do 10,000 copies for a local businessman every fortnight.
9. Himself's business accounts - invoicing, quotes, paying bills, liasing with the accountant and the IRD.  Sorting out any accounts issues.  Entering account transactions etc.  And I also do his marketing - ie create and produce his fliers for distribution (which I organise), logos, brochures etc.  And of course I do any other general admin stuff that needs doing.

On top of that I TRY to keep the house tidy.  Of course that's just plain impossible with two kids and Himself who can't seem to find the rubbish bin every time he empties a 2 litre bottle of milk - so he just leaves it on the table along with the onion ends and skin he cut off the onion whilst making himself (and the kids TBH) brunch - oh and this is counted as a meal so in actual fact he cooks more meals than me - even though 95% of the time he doesn't make me anything and 50% of the time he doesn't actually cook the kids anything.  He's told me several times that the reason he doesn't tidy up is that he doesn't want his meal to go cold.  And then of course he's too tired.  Funny that - when I get home at 12.30 I'm tired too - and then of course I get woken at 2 because the old dog wants to go out and Himself didn't let her out before he went tobed.  Then at 3 because the new pup wants to play.  Then at 3.30 by one kid getting into bed with me, then at 4 by the next kid getting into bed with me and then finally at 5 by both kids who decide it's time to get up.

And he cannot understand why I cry.

Could it be that in spite of the fact that he drunkenly told me last week (he's nice when he's drunk) that he DID realise that I worked hard and that he never thought I was lazy, he keeps making more and more work for me and I can't keep up.  Could it be that he gets narky at me when something isn't done but if I start to do that and have to leave something else he will get narky at me about the think I left to do the job he previously narked at me about.  Could it be that he never goes out of his way to do nice things for me - not even little ones.  Even tonight I've got an extra packet of crumpets because I know he likes them.  It's me who buys the extra 2 litres bottles of milk so he can drink them each day (although that has an alterior motive because if I don't do it he will drink what's there anyway and leave only enough for the kids breakfast and coffee for him.  He once told me that powdered milk is fine for his morning coffee and then got sulky when a few days later the milk had all been used and he had to have milk powder - apparently he only uses a "little bit" in his coffee and I should have been able to save it for him - funny - I only use a little bit of milk on my weetbix and yet you drunk it all last night leaving me with nothing.).  Where was I - oh yes, doing things for others.  Mothers Day came and went without acknowledgement from him.  Christmas I didn't get a present at all in spite of the thoughtful and expensive (for us) present the kids and I got him.  The only reason his family get presents is that I get embarrassed if we don't have anything for them and so I make sure we do. 

I once suggested that he didn't think about me at all before doing things.  He told me of course he did, which actually made it worse because instead of being forgotten in the heat of the moment he basicaly must have thought about it and then disregarded my feelings anyway.

I'm on the brink.  I'm on the brink of going into that bedroom and telling him to piss off.  To pack a bag and get away from us.  But I can't.  I don't know what it is.  Maybe it's the good parts of his personality that I can't quite see right now in my blind fury just sitting in my subconcious waiting for me to get over my anger.

I don't know what to do.

When we talked about me going back to work it was with the understanding that I'd have some help with the kids and around the house.  But he doesn't lift a finger.  He thinks looking after the kids is a doddle because he doesn't do anything with them that I have to do - organise school and kindy, wash their cloths, buy/make their clothes, wipe their bottoms, clean up their vomit and stay awake all night until their fever breaks even though I feel like crap myself.  Make school/kindy lunches, take part in school/kindy activities.  Make sure library books go back on time.  Make sure that homework is completed.  Tidy up after them and make them tidy up after themselves.  But he doesn't see any of that - he closes his eyes and pretends it isn't there.  Because if he did see it, if he stopped to really think about it he might realise that I do actually work as hard as he does.  My job isn't as physical - not at all - but it's constant - and not just the kids because the part time roles creep in all over the place too - it just doesn't stop.

I'm going to publish this now before I lose my nerve.  And then I'm going to try to figure out what to do.  Thanks for listening.

Love you mum.

Last night I had the strangest dream.  I found Mum.  She was alive.  Or rather she found me.  It was so real, apart from the fact that when I met her she looked 30 years younger than she actually would be if she really was still alive.  She was beautiful with her long blonde hair in loose curls and so slender.  I felt very frumpy next to her but she didn't seem to notice and kept hugging me.

If I'd been able to look into the documentation she had - letters, website info etc - then I would probably have figured it out a bit more and perhaps realised it was a dream.  There was so much pointing to that.  For instance she said she looked for me and Dad for ages, but we lived in the same house for several years after her death.  But in this reality even the IRD couldn't track us down.

I woke up remembering how Dad looked when he came out of (what I thought was) the police station having identified her body.  He was devastated.

But you know what.  This dream was wonderful.  Being hugged by her was magic.  Having her in my life right now would be awesome.

I think she was running a hotel somewhere.  That was the impression I had.  She was married again and had more children - two grown, maybe ten years younger than me, and one I think somewhere between Zoe and Logans age (impressive considering she would be 69 now).

Love you mum xxx.

Giving & Receiving

I have a recurring dream where I'm frantically trying to gather all my "stuff" together and shove it into bags so that I can transport it.  Or I'm trying to fit a house full of items into one room (not sure why I'm downsizing - it's a dream!).  Basically the meaning behind these dreams is more than obvious to me - I have way too much clutter in my life.  I'm a collector, from craft stash to the kids grown out of clothing and toys waiting to be sold.  But it takes it's toll and I stress over the mess.  Today I did something that gave me a huge amount of joy - I gave something away.

It's not that I don't do that - I sum up whether or not items are worth selling and more often than not the local Op shop benefits from many items that I just can't be bothered dealing with.  I've also given things to Logans Kindy before - but today I got a double whammy of Givers Delight.

I was attempting to sell this

on the Trading Post of a website I frequent but it became apparent the huge postage charge anywhere in this country was going to be a big downside.  I was only asking $8 but with postage that would turn into $20.50 which, for something that wasn't in perfect condition (the elephant no longer makes noises when the blocks are piled onto him) that's a pretty steep price to pay.  Even $12.50 - ie giving it away for the price of postage is pretty high considering.  So I pulled my head in and took it along to Kindy today when I picked up Logan.

Plastic bag plonked in the middle of the floor (don't worry mums it's one of those heavy weight carry plastic bags - not the kind that can suffocate them - and I'm sure it was taken away as soon as it was emptied) and two inquisitive little souls took huge delight in unpacking it all one by one.  Each item was poured over, twisted and turned and totally enjoyed, while I totally enjoyed watching it.

Second booster of the day - puppets.  I recently brought home from kindy a simple sock puppet that had been made by one of the teachers, button eyes, wool hair and felt tongue on a little kids sock.  It had been damaged and I offered to sew it's tongue back on again.  Then I got this great idea and it worked a treat.

"Remember how I took the big sock puppet home to fix her all up.  Well she didn't seem very happy even after I'd fixed her up and just wanted to sleep.  So I put her in a little box and look what happened - baby sock puppets!"  Wish I had a photo for this one.  I'd bought a pair of gloves from the op shop, chopped off the fingers and sewed seed beads for eyes to each of them and a different shock of wool hair - some black, some blue, some pink and all crazy.  When I came back from dropping the baby toys off 90% of the kids were flocked around one of the teachers playing with them - I feel wonderful.

And receiving....

This is Jack, the new addition to our family care of our lovely friends B and S and named for their baby son.