Love you mum.

Last night I had the strangest dream.  I found Mum.  She was alive.  Or rather she found me.  It was so real, apart from the fact that when I met her she looked 30 years younger than she actually would be if she really was still alive.  She was beautiful with her long blonde hair in loose curls and so slender.  I felt very frumpy next to her but she didn't seem to notice and kept hugging me.

If I'd been able to look into the documentation she had - letters, website info etc - then I would probably have figured it out a bit more and perhaps realised it was a dream.  There was so much pointing to that.  For instance she said she looked for me and Dad for ages, but we lived in the same house for several years after her death.  But in this reality even the IRD couldn't track us down.

I woke up remembering how Dad looked when he came out of (what I thought was) the police station having identified her body.  He was devastated.

But you know what.  This dream was wonderful.  Being hugged by her was magic.  Having her in my life right now would be awesome.

I think she was running a hotel somewhere.  That was the impression I had.  She was married again and had more children - two grown, maybe ten years younger than me, and one I think somewhere between Zoe and Logans age (impressive considering she would be 69 now).

Love you mum xxx.