Many a discussion has been had with family and friends about the justification behind hoarding, albeit most of them directly regarding the hoard and not the emotional or mental reasoning. I don't claim to know why I hoard I just know that living in a hoarding environment is unhealthy and I want out - I'm just not extracting myself very quickly!
I'm NOT a candidate for an 'if-you-don't-clean-out-this-hoard-we-may-have-to-condemn-your-home' TV show (although I strongly recall a scary moment a few years back when coming down the stairs I realised that "stuff" was piling up around the edges of the room I could see in a TV Show Hoarder fashion) but I have been on the right track to that kind of fame.
I have good intentions "This will be my year (2010)" and "THIS will be my year (2011)" and "I'm sure THIS will be my year (2012)" etc. But inevitably "The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry." I've recognised that "going big" isn't an option. Working by myself is time-consuming and I don't have a lot of that. I took an extended weekend a couple of months back, dedicated to cleaning the junk out of the house and into the shed. From there I was going to sort the shed. I made a dent but as I sit here typing this I look around my bedroom and see at least half a dozen banana boxes and several bags of "stuff" and items littered across the floor (I CAN see carpet - I just couldn't walk over it with my eyes closed and miss coming into contact with an item that shouldn't be there).
The shed is actually - as much as I'd like to say relatively organised that would be a lie but I invested in a few storage containers and while SOME of them contain a mixture of items that may or may not be useful at least they are stowed away in stacks of relative tidiness.
Perhaps I need help. It has been offered by well-meaning friends who I am very grateful to for their offer. But the thought of having someone "guide" me to a choice I don't really want to make scares me as well. It's at this point where I have flashbacks to those hoarder TV shows and the rage that the hoarder feels when a family member or the therapist "encourages" them to let go of something. Even if it's something they have 20 copies of and won't even use. I suddenly sympathise.
So what do I do?
I trudge on. Bit by bit. Burst of action by burst of action. Currently, I'm being helped by my family to a degree. My partner has actually been helping out with the housework. He's made suggestions of where to put furniture and moved things around to suit. I've taken a deep breath and considered the changes and most of them I've liked. "This room is now easier to vacuum," he's said. And it is - so I leave it to him to vacuum while I'm focusing my attention on running around after work, the kid's sports, my Dad's hospital appointments and the basic stuff like cooking, dishes and laundry.
I've managed to develop less of an attachment with the kids' toys as well and am almost disappointed when going through a box of toys they can't even remember owning if they decide they still want to keep items I think they've outgrown.
I've learned that the time-consuming process of selling things is actually detrimental to my process and most of the stuff that isn't being thrown out now goes to Op Shops. I've learned also that I need to get the "Op Shop boxes" out of my house and out of my car boot very quickly so they don't integrate back into the household mess.
The other day I jumped another hurdle - the one where I hang onto a part of something because I know the other bits to it are somewhere in amongst the junk and if I wait I'll find it all. Inevitably the bit I found will get lost amongst another pile of junk and it's a game of tag where one piece will tag another and run. I threw out two of the kids' games last week. I've since found more pieces but I have no idea if I'd ever find the full games. I made a judgement call on a third game - I actually think I probably DID have all the pieces but I've seen this game in at least one Op Shop every second visit - they didn't need another.
I think my biggest hurdle this week though was giving up a huge work-in-progress project. I've been working on this project for about five years but I haven't touched it (except to move it while rearranging) in at least 18 months. It took up possibly about three banana boxes worth of materials. I laid this information at my own feet a couple of days ago and made the decision that I didn't even LIKE working on this project anymore. That the only reason I was keeping it was that I didn't want to admit defeat. Even to myself. The content of two banana boxes is currently waiting for the bonfire and the content of another has gone to the op shop. There is probably more in boxes in the shed but now that I've let go of the bones of the project the rest of the material will be easily let go of. The thing is I don't feel upset by it. In fact, I think I felt relief that I'd managed to tick something off my To Do List. Maybe that's what my To Do list needs - another checkbox labelled "Let It Go".
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