Okay I have you all very, very confused - Day Thirteen? Well I'm jumping ahead a wee bit because I really, really need to let off steam on this one - so today you'll get Day Thirteen and Day Five.
I thought this one was going to be hard and then I had a phone call today (read last week because I'm actually posting ahead) that brought up a few things that I'm hurt and angry about.
Dear Friend
First and foremost I
In conversations with you I continually receive a litany of rants against people who have "harmed" you. I sit and listen. Often I try to play devils advocate and I ALWAYS get told I'm wrong and that these people are out to get you. From family members to people who you camped next to for a couple of nights. Fair enough you are entitled to your views and I don't know the other side of the story, however when I need to speak, when I really need to let off steam I get cut off mid conversation when you think of something else that annoys you and you decide that YOU need to speak and not let me finish.
We have been financially strapped recently - seriously so. I have had two types of reply from you to my wanting to converse about this. One is the usual interuption to tell me how badly off you are yourself and the other is to remind me that another friend of yours lives quite well off the same amount as what we have budgeted to. The second is a valid point and has made me think about our situation and I am proud that I can take that criticism (however mildly put) and think about it without completely disregarding it as you do with my own observations. The first is a load of bollocks! Sorry but to visit and be shown all the "bargains" bought from top clothing stores, the things you are pondering buying on Trade Me when my biggest purchases amount to a puny amount spent at the local Op Shop (and even then I feel guilty) - well I don't see how you can be so badly off that you feel your situation warrants interrupting my pity party!
I feel let down by you all the time. I received phone calls from you when I was in hospital, promising to visit that day - you never came - you never phoned to say you weren't coming and I waited and waited. This happened on three separate occasions. Hospital is a dull place and the highlights of my day were meal times and visits - trust me the meals weren't that much to crow about so visits were what kept me sane. If you couldn't make it you could have just rung and told me - rather than leaving me to wait and wait all day - for nothing. I was in there for four weeks. I know now that you're never on time and that you rarely do what you say you're going to so if I have something to do I just do it now and not hang around waiting for you - I think I did say this to you once.
You let me down over childcare once too which ended up costing us money. The original plan was that you would look after Zoe when I was injured. I organised everything through ACC and you were to be paid well. Then a week before it was supposed to start you backed out of it. Admittedly I gave you the opportunity because you didn't sound enthusiastic as you had done when we first arranged it and I knew I could organise extended hours at Zoes daycare but ultimately it caused a huge amount of confusion at ACC (not that I blame you for the mess they caused) and half the funding for the extra care ended up coming out of our pockets.
I borrowed something from you the other day. Before I had the chance to use it you had picked it up because you had leant it to someone else. In the past when I've asked to borrow other things that have been leant to other friends you have by no means asked them to return it so that I can use it - I guess that shows me just where "I" stand in your friendships. Personally I would not lend something out until after the friend I'd leant it to originally was finished.
Comparisons of our children drive me crazy. Particularly as you don't even know you're doing it. I commented on someone else taking part in this sort of behaviour once and you agreed how awful it was - yet you do it constantly to me.
You leant us something one day that was broken by another party. We hadn't requested the loan of the item - you just figured that as you wouldn't be around for a while to use it we may as well get use out of it. You then requested the full purchase price to replace it - which we did willingly but slightly annoyed about it. because it had had at least six months of use when you left it with us. Particularly as things would be returned to us that you have borrowed in a less than pristine state in which you received them with not even a comment. Items I would go to use and find them damaged.
I've been doing a lot of bits and pieces for you lately - scanning and printing, listing on Trade Me. I don't have a problem doing this for you - I like to help friends. But I'm not so sure you're interested in helping me out in return anymore. You made me feel guilty yesterday that I haven't listed anything lately and when I asked for your help, looking after the kids while I went to an interview (for my articles) you were saying how busy you were lately (yeah you're really broke when you can still afford to give your kids kindy, private school, swimming, ballet and cricket and I can barely afford three days of daycare for one of them - sorry readers pity party again - I don't deny them this, just get annoyed when they're "broke" and I'm not so bad off!). I'm busting a gut looking after a preschooler full time, another preschooler 4 days a week, trying to run the admin side of my partners business, trying to earn a little extra writing and having some me time - which also includes doing the Trade Me sales and bits and pieces for you. For someone whose children are in some form of care every day and who doesn't do anything else except look after the house I question how you can be so busy that you cannot reciprocate help when it's needed. I was more than willing to organise the interviews around your availability but you never called me back about it either last night or today. If I NEVER agreed to help you I would understand but we are ALWAYS helping you.
Right now we have one of your animals eating grass meant for our animals and drinking our precious water which we have little of - water which I was happy to let you use when your washing machine broke down.
You said then that you couldn't possibly and I replied not to be ridiculous, of course you were welcome. Similarly I told you that I was happy to help you with the Trade Me listings when you said you didn't think it was fair. Personally now I think you say these things to unconsciously let yourself off the hook when things go sour.
You would be gutted if you received this letter I'm fairly certain, however you wouldn't agree with anything said here - there would always be a defensive response and I would be wrong and then, like at least two previous friendships you have spoken to me of, things would go downhill. And then someone else would be tut - tutting at my behaviour and how you've been badly hard done by. I have to wonder now at those relationship disintegrations and if you really were so badly treated.
I don't know - maybe I AM overreacting at this but I'm pi$$ed at the treatment I get. You HAVE been there to look after my kids on occasions. You helped me out the other day when I really needed to get the house cleaned up - I knew you were the person to help (I was a little disappointed that it only amounted to one room - the one that was the cleanest anyway but I feel ungrateful saying that because it was a big help). But I also feel the time I've put into helping you, listened to you, been there for you should amount to some sort of respect of our friendship. To be honest I feel quite used.
Kind regards
Jodie
I don't actually feel any better for getting that out. I'm also not so sure I'm in the right - that's my "please like me" personality taking over *rolls eyes* Mind you I wouldn't be in this predicament if I didn't have a "please like me" personality - I would have told her where to get off and never spoken to her again long ago LOL. To be honest I'm getting close to doing that anyway.
Thank you for reading :o(
No comments:
Post a Comment